Empathy – the key to effective listening

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How many times have you heard the phrase, “he/she never listens to anything I say” or even worse, “he/she just doesn’t understand me”. In this age where everything and nothing has our true attention, it is appropriate to ask ourselves are we really listening to the person talking to us? Indeed, are we giving them enough attention to really hear and empathise with what they are saying.

The best conversationalists are those who listen effectively. Why? Because they are giving us their attention, they are interested in what we are saying, and we all like to feel that our conversation is interesting and of importance. To listen and empathise at the same time however, is a very powerful way of connecting to someone and creating or consolidating rapport.

So how can we empathise?

Imagine someone says to you, “My clients are so demanding, no matter what I do for them, it never seems to be enough”

There are three ways we can empathise and thus make the person feel that they are being listened to and understood:

  1. Mimic: say the sentence back to them to show you are hearing them, e.g. “Your clients are really demanding then”
  2. Rephrase: Here we would say something using our own words to show our understanding, e.g. “Your clients are asking a lot of you and they never seem satisfied”
  3. Reflect and rephrase: This is the most powerful way to demonstrate empathy as it shows you are understanding what they must be feeling, e.g. With your clients demanding so much of you, you must be feeling quite stressed and overworked”

All these responses will show that you are listening, but where we can link what the other person is saying to an understanding of an emotion they must be feeling, the connection with the other person becomes very solid. By putting yourself in their postion you demonstrate pure empathy and will be regarded as a person who cares.

 

 

Positivity every time!

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Today is the first day of 2012.

It’s a beautiful sunny morning here in Madrid, an appropriate environment to look forward with anticipation to another year.

Some will say it’s going to be a difficult year, a year in which the economic crisis will cut more deeply, a year in which many people will experience genuine hardship.

Others will say that it’s a year in which such circumstances will provide us with the opportunity to get creative, to reflect on where our strengths are, to change our life’s direction towards that which really inspires us, to learn to be grateful for what we actually have, to value those relationships that nuture us and encourage us to be the best we can be. Continue reading →

How to manage your To Do list

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In time management it’s extremely difficult to know what to do if you haven’t written your tasks down. However, even though they write their tasks down, many people still find it difficult to work from their To Do list simply because of the sheer number of tasks they see grouped together, the list looks overwhelming!

It’s extremely important to have a list that is manageable and that allows you to see task type at a glance. This way you don’t waste time looking for a task to fit the time and energy window you have. Continue reading →

The most effective feedback question you can ask

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We are constantly receiving feedback in every area of our life either directly or indirectly, and this is essential; it tells us how we’re doing, and more importantly, where we can improve.

However, most people will not voluntarily give you feedback. If there are indeed areas where they think you can improve, they’ll be reluctant to tell you, wanting to avoid hurting your feelings or risk your disapproval.

To get honest, open feedback you will have to ask for it  and make it safe for the other person to give it to you.

The most powerful question you can ask in this arena is the following: Continue reading →

5 ways to minimise conflict at work

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It is impossible to go through life without conflict. As human beings we are all different, with differing values, perceptions and opinions. Conflict is inevitable especially in the workplace, where in addition to our different personalities and personal aspirations, we have to deal with the pressure of deadlines, office politics and often confusing and inconsistent communication from above.

Conflict in itself is not the problem. The problem is poor management of that conflict, especially when it leads to low morale, lower productvity and inappropriate behaviour on the part of the people involved.

Here are five actions that managers can take to avoid or minimise conflict:

  1. Intentionally build relationships with subordinates by meeting regularly on a one to one basis to ask them about current challenges and issues.
  2. Review job descriptions on a regular basis getting the employees input and opinion
  3. Hold training sessions on subjects such as conflict management, interpersonal communication and delegation to raise awareness and introduce basic tecniques.
  4. Develop written procedures for routine task and get the employees to write these procedures wherever possible, reviewing them regularly
  5. Have a suggestion box where employees can make suggestions anonymously. This encourages people to be open and honest.

As with most situations involving people, transparent and thorough communication is the key to avoiding a conflictive environment in the workplace. However, it goes without saying, effective communication is something that requires constant attention and dedication on the part of leaders and management

Coach yourself in four easy steps

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Coaching really is the buzz word in management today. But what is coaching and how can you benefit from its techniques to improve your life?

Coaching recognises that we have the answer to our problems deep inside us and it is via the asking of powerful and effective questions that we can begin to uncover and explore options that will lead us to solutions. Continue reading →

The essentials of an effective meeting

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We hear so much about the desirability of effective meetings. But how many meetings are truly effective and what do we mean be effective?

Effective meetings leave you energised and with a sense that something has been acomplished.

They basically involve three things:

  1. Having a clear objective
  2. Using the time wisely
  3. Leaving the partipants with the sense that a sensible process has been followed.

The Meeting’s Objective

Every meeting has a purpose and this purpose is defined by knowing what outcome we want to achieve. Do you want to reach a decision? Do you want to generate ideas? Or simply pass on information? It is only when you are clear on the outcome you want from the meeting that you can plan the contents/agenda of the meeting and decide who needs to attend.

Using Time Wisely

Everyone these days feels time pressure, it’s one of our scarcest resources. As we all know, time is money. If a key person arrives fifteen minutes late to a meeting of eight people, that person’s lateness is actually costing the company two hours of lost activity. It goes without saying, meetings should start and FINISH on time. Don’t wait for people who are late; it’s necessary to set boundaries and start educating people into good time management habits that ultimately benefit everyone

For a meeting to be effective it needs to be completely streamlined and follow a strict agenda so that nobody’s time is wasted.

In preparing an agenda, think of the following factors:

  • Priorities – What points are essential to cover?
  • Results – What has to be accomplished in the meeting?
  • Participants – Who needs to attend to help accomplish the objective of the meeting? Does everyone need to attend the whole of the meeting?
  • Sequence – What is the most logical order of topics?
  • Timing – Determine how much time should be spent on each topic
  • Date, time and place

A successful agenda facilitates two things: clarity to participants about what they have to prepare in order to make the most of the meeting and the role they have to perform once the meeting is underway. It’s important of course to distribute the agenda in advance so that participants have the opportunity to make contributions or, conversely, eliminate points that have been resolved already.

Following a sensible and coherent process

Once in the meeting, there are several points to keep in mind which will contribute to the participants’ feeling that the meeting has been effective:

  • Make sure that people don’t digress from the topic being discussed
  • Always summarise what has been discussed on each topic and note action points, the person responsible for the action and the date of required completion
  • Note down items that need further discussion, don’t leave them in the air
  • If there are some people dominating the conversation, ask others for their ideas
  • Encourage quieter people to talk, especially if you know they have an opinion to give
  • Be aware of body language to ensure the meeting stays energised and to avoid the escalation of conflict between participants. It’s better to take short break sooner rather than later if you feel the meeting is not moving forward quickly enough

Without a doubt, an effective meeting requires a solid objective, a tight agenda and the commitment to involving the participants in the planning, preparation and execution. If these considerations are always adhered to, meetings will become something to look forward to, an ocasion where people can feel empowered and productive, knowing they are contributing to the achievement of their department’s and company’s overall objectives.

 

 

 

Handling difficult people

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Where would we be without relationships in our life? And more to the point,where would we be without the difficult relationships? Although it seems counter intuitive, without these people, we would be emotionally poorer because we would have less opportunites to grow.

They say that our greatest teachers are the people who push our “hot buttons”. Many times these teachers are our children, but from time to time we encounter “difficult” people who make us feel angry and undervalued. But what they are actually showing us is that we still have some work to do, as every encounter is a reflection of what we are projecting ourselves. Continue reading →

How can we overcome procrastination?

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What I like about time management is that the subject is essentially about SELF MANAGEMENT. We all have the same amount of hours in the day, yet even when two people are using the same time management tools, one is often more productive in the long term than the other. Why is this?

One important factor is related to procrastination. Procrastination is the behaviour of putting off tasks that you know you need to do. Continue reading →